Those Words shared by My Dad Which Saved Me when I became a First-Time Dad

"I think I was merely trying to survive for the first year."

Former reality TV star Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the difficulties of becoming a dad.

Yet the actual experience rapidly proved to be "very different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health complications surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was forced into becoming her main carer as well as looking after their infant son Leo.

"I took on all the nights, every nappy change… every walk. The duty of mother and father," Ryan explained.

Following nearly a year he burnt out. That was when a chat with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he required support.

The simple statement "You are not in a good spot. You require some help. In what way can I help you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and find a way back.

His story is commonplace, but rarely discussed. Although society is now more comfortable talking about the strain on moms and about PND, far less attention is paid about the struggles fathers face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan feels his struggles are part of a wider failure to talk among men, who continue to hold onto damaging perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall every time."

"It isn't a display of being weak to request help. I failed to do that fast enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health before and after childbirth, explains men often don't want to accept they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not justified to be seeking help" - most notably in preference to a mum and baby - but she highlights their mental well-being is just as important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the opportunity to request a respite - going on a short trip overseas, separate from the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He understood he had to make a shift to consider his and his partner's feelings in addition to the practical tasks of caring for a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will assist his son to better grasp the vocabulary of emotion and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen did not have consistent male a father figure. Despite having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, deep-held emotional pain meant his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up emotions resulted in him make "bad decisions" when in his youth to modify how he felt, seeking comfort in alcohol and substances as escapism from the hurt.

"You turn to things that don't help," he explains. "They can briefly alter how you feel, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Advice for Getting By as a New Dad

• Share with someone - if you feel swamped, tell a trusted person, your other half or a therapist how you're feeling. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the pursuits that helped you to feel like yourself before becoming a parent. Examples include playing sport, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical health - eating well, physical activity and if you can, sleep, all are important in how your mind is doing.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - hearing about their stories, the difficult parts, along with the joys, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Know that seeking help is not failure - prioritising your own well-being is the optimal method you can care for your family.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the death, having been out of touch with him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead offer the safety and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they do "shaking it out" together - expressing the emotions safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men since they confronted their pain, changed how they communicate, and learned to regulate themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I said, at times I feel like my role is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but actually, it's a dialogue. I am discovering as much as you are in this journey."